im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize