I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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