how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
