Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
