At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
