I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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