2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
