She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I stole a fireplace last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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