i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
