I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
