I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I want to fling myself into the sun
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
