TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
