is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
