things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
