My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
