Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
