One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
