They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
