"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk is not a location!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
