I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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