Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
