a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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