Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
