I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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