Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
