STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
