I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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