LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
