I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize