We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
