hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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