I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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