So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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