I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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