The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
