every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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