I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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