so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
