There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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