i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
