"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
