My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
