I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
