i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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