Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
