Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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