Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
