why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
