I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
