my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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