this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
