I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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