you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
