Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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