I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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