You can't special order awesome
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
