I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
