so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
