Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
