found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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