I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
