I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
