I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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