Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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