Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
