Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
