somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
