Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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