I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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