i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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